I recently found this book on the bedside table of a rent-by-the-minute room in a third-rate hotel, located on the other side of the tracks in a second-rate city. It was covered with liquor stains, cigarette burns and some of the pages were stuck together.I couldn't really read it ...cuz I was drunk, but the teenage groupies I was with gave me the gist.
These are the TEN COMMANDMENTS of rock according to some guy who probably has a bald man ponytail or sports a skullet. While I agree with most of what's written in the scripture I have to take issue with Commandments numbers 2 and 3. If you disagree as well and want to tell the "prophet" author Henry Owings to SLAG OFF you can find him here http://www.quirkbooks.com/.
(ABOVE: possibly named Henry Owings) The Rock Bible Ten Commandments
I. “Do not name your band after another current band’s song or album. Come to think of it, don’t name your band after any song or album. Nobody cares about your ‘good’ taste.”
II. “Turntables are not, nor have they ever been, a musical instrument.” - Uh, hello RUN DMC and Aerosmith.That's the exact moment turntables became a rock instrument. Fuck.
III. “Using your computer on stage means you’re as likely to be checking your e-mail as you are to be performing music.” - Last time I checked NIN rocked and so do many dj's REGARDLESS of the "genre" of music they play you Skynyrd loving fossil fuck face.
IV. “Never personally master your own recordings unless you really don’t want anyone to listen to them.”
V. “Everybody thinks they’re funny. Most people aren’t, especially soundmen.”
VI. “Few singers are allowed to drape scarves on microphone stands. You are not one of them.”
VII. “Rhythm guitar players should always look like they want to be somewhere else.”
VIII. “Those who figure they will play bass because it has two fewer strings than a guitar and is therefore easier to learn should probably just hold cases that hold guitars and basses.”
IX. “Singers who tell the audience to ‘Give it up for yourselves!’ should be attacked by hyenas.”
X. “Never spend more time on your hair than you would eating a modest-sized meal.”
I. “Do not name your band after another current band’s song or album. Come to think of it, don’t name your band after any song or album. Nobody cares about your ‘good’ taste.”
II. “Turntables are not, nor have they ever been, a musical instrument.” - Uh, hello RUN DMC and Aerosmith.That's the exact moment turntables became a rock instrument. Fuck.
III. “Using your computer on stage means you’re as likely to be checking your e-mail as you are to be performing music.” - Last time I checked NIN rocked and so do many dj's REGARDLESS of the "genre" of music they play you Skynyrd loving fossil fuck face.
IV. “Never personally master your own recordings unless you really don’t want anyone to listen to them.”
V. “Everybody thinks they’re funny. Most people aren’t, especially soundmen.”
VI. “Few singers are allowed to drape scarves on microphone stands. You are not one of them.”
VII. “Rhythm guitar players should always look like they want to be somewhere else.”
VIII. “Those who figure they will play bass because it has two fewer strings than a guitar and is therefore easier to learn should probably just hold cases that hold guitars and basses.”
IX. “Singers who tell the audience to ‘Give it up for yourselves!’ should be attacked by hyenas.”
X. “Never spend more time on your hair than you would eating a modest-sized meal.”
As far as I'm concerned the dinosaur who wrote this is the one being blasphemous. I'm not without sin but I'll cast the first stone your way Owings. Those who agree feel free to join my cult, we're taking name suggestions. WE'LL WRITE OUR OWN BOOK! I promise I won't make you drink the Kool-Aid.
Jay
LAST TIME I CHECKED JACKNIFE LEE ROCKS AND USES COMPUTERS. CHECK THIS.
Big names with completely different sounds combining forces to bring you the concert goer the most bang for your buck.
It looks nice above this shit but seriously what's going on below is weak sauce- a week straight?!?!?! Save me Boy 8-Bit!! Here's a song about fog.
I know the album came out a while ago... but I wanted time to really absorb it into my spongy brain before I gave my opinion.
This album feels like I went back in time to 1975, stole back the Sports Almanac from my nemesis, came back to 2008, realized that it was just the sports almanac dust jacket containing a French porno mag, and suddenly all the music had changed (because there had beena temperal disturbance in 1975 thus changing the current 2008 into an alternate 2008) .
So good in fact that we're willing to give away our shows for free! Just go to the iTunes stores and search for 
Though it was most definitely our messiest, it was also our most awesome show to date in my opinion... After Nanny Matt took Jay for a time-out, Eddy and I somehow managed to round out a second show. 
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