The worst singer in the WORLD!!!

I saw this video a couple of weeks ago and I'm still haunted by it... so I thought I would share it with you all! I can't believe "Ellen" allowed this shit to air on her show and most importantly if this woman can be a singer I sure as hell can!
You may recognize her from "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" and her name is Kim Zolciak. I especially love how a woman over 40 who has kids is singing "Don't be Tardy for the Party"... WHAT THE F&*K!!!

See for yourself... OH, and pleasant dreams....

Hotmess Resolution # 1 for 2010

To have as much fun as this!



In the world of what the fuck, this ranks pretty high.

It also ranks pretty high on the list of resolutions I have a shot at achieving!

And instead of swaying to"Auld Lang Syne" during the big New Year's moment,
I suggest you give this a listen while your roboting your way into 2010's warm embrace.

Europe- The Final Countdown

Trust me...2009 would have wanted it that way.

Merry Christmas from Hotmess...

...and Chippendale's rejects everywhere.

John Frusciante quits RHCP!

If you're a fan you already know. If not, check it!

John Frusciante has left the Red Hot Chili Peppers...again. The first time it happened was after Blood Sugar Sex Magik, in the early 90s, when he decided to do enough heroin to piss poppy seeds. Now he's gone again but this time it's not about a chemical romance! Here's why in his own words!


Frusciante’s full letter to fans:

“When I quit the band, over a year ago, we were on an indefinite hiatus. There was no drama or anger involved, and the other guys were very understanding. They are supportive of my doing whatever makes me happy and that goes both ways.

To put it simply, my musical interests have led me in a different direction. Upon rejoining, and throughout my time in the band, I was very excited about exploring the musical possibilities inherent in a rock band, and doing so with those people in particular. A couple of years ago, I began to feel that same excitement again, but this time it was about making a different kind of music, alone, and being my own engineer.

I really love the band and what we did. I understand and value that my work with them means a lot to many people, but I have to follow my interests. For me, art has never been something done out of a sense of duty. It is something I do because it is really fun, exciting, and interesting. Over the last 12 years, I have changed, as a person and artist, to such a degree that to do further work along the lines I did with the band would be to go against my own nature. There was no choice involved in this decision. I simply have to be what I am, and have to do what I must do.

Sending love and gratitude to you all.”

And here's some of his best work!!

There Is Still Time!

Christmas time is fast approaching but I plead DO NOT forget to make your way to your local mall and jump on Santa’s lap.

I am not going to lie – it will be hell- children screaming, people pushing their costumed dogs to the heads of the line and the potent aroma of Santa’s holiday cheer choking you.

But I promise it will be worth it.

If you are not convinced, here is an assortment of inspiration from "sketchy santa" compliments of the random link fairy Dayna!

SKETCHY SANTA PICTURES


Send your Santa pics into Hotmess and we will post them!

Zero 7 & Phantogram

From one extreme to another: two weeks ago I was dodging jets of fake blood at GWAR's show. Sunday night I was back at the Commodore, and the atmosphere was refreshingly chill and well-behaved. With six people up on stage, Zero 7 had a nice, full sound, but was perfectly low-key in their signature downtempo way. What an awesome way to enjoy a beer on a Sunday night while not freezing your ass off outside.

Oh, and I should mention their opening act, Phantogram. I first came across their song "When I'm Small" a few weeks ago, and was stoked to learn that they'd be opening for Zero 7. They're pretty tight, be sure to check out that song on their Myspace.

Flaming Lips Trembling Fetus Christmas Ornaments

My Christmas shopping is officially done.

This video is holiday cheer inducing!

Lead singer Wayne Coyne promotes the Fetus ornament as "rumored to give off vibrations that help all humans progress toward an intelligence explosion."

One of many questions...Why "trembling?"

There are so many other adjectives I can think of that seem a little bit more Jesus' birthday and a little less food poisoning trauma.



That being said, I am 100% on board with this magic.

MTV's Jersey Shore

Sometimes gold comes in the form of a watch.

Sometimes a smile.



And sometimes gold comes wrapped up in a little package like the Jersey Shore.

There is no doubt that 2009 is the year of the Douchebag.

Their orange glow is everywhere and people are breathing them in like a warm summer day.



Jersey Shore aired a week ago and has shined a well deserved spotlight on the world of Guidodom. Check out the trailer and start digging the internets for more.

Warning! This show could result in the death of your soul...or maybe a rebirth into a world of jet skis and a burning sensation while peeing.

GWAR

I can't believe I'm still alive. I made my way to the GWAR show at the Commodore tonight, my heart heavy in my chest, my camera wrapped in plastic. I had never been to one of their shows, but I had heard legend of men dressed as gods from other galaxies spraying the liquified souls of dead groupies into the thirsty maws of their minions.

That is more or less what went down. And it was awesome! As a photographer, this wasn't so much a show I was shooting as a holocaust I was trying not to take shrapnel from. As I cowered under the shadow of Beefcake the Mighty (the bass player, pictured at top), ducking below the stage whenever the blood cannon (above) was aimed in my direction, I asked myself: is this what I got into concert photography for? And the answer was "fuck no," but probably the reason I'll keep doing it. It was the most hilarious and fun show I've ever been to.

Here's what I looked like when I got home:

Hark to the hideous majesty of your MASTERS, rulers of Earth, the MIGHTY GWAR!!!

Photos by Graham Cook.

The Best Christmas Movies

HO HO HO!

My favorite time of year is near and you know what that means; too much food, booze, spending, caroling, and lack of sleep... and I LOVE IT! Along with the holiday season comes awesome decorations, music and those Christmas movies you only get to watch once a year! So get cracking! Pull out those dusty VHS tapes from your holiday box and start watching, renting or buying them. Here are the 3 best holiday movies, no matter what religion you are, just in case you forgot:

RIP Haydain Neale

Canadian music lost a true class act this week.

Haydain Neale, the frontman for the group Jacksoul died Sunday from lung cancer.

With the Nov. 3 release of a new Jacksoul single "Lonesome Highway" and an album of new material, Soulmate, slated for Dec. 1, fans couldn't help but think the Hamilton-born Neale was on the upswing.

His family has always been optimistic, but tightlipped, about his condition and intensive rehabilitation.

In a press release about the production of the new tunes – written, and seemingly recorded, prior to his accident – Neale says: "It takes me more time now, but I still orchestrate the room.

Sadly, Jacksoul's fifth album will now be the posthumous legacy of its gravelly-voiced frontman. Relatives announced late Monday that Neale died in hospital on Sunday after a seven-month battle with lung cancer.

He will be missed.

Freaks.

Sorry I'm just not a fan of freaks. I'm not talking about the freaks immediately below either. I actually like them.

No, I'm talking about real freaks. Like deformed freaks. Inbred freaks. The kind that live under the stairs or in The Ozarks or in the attic.

It started when I saw Pet Sematary (how the movie title is spelled) when I was a kid and was introduced to Zelda- the deformed sister who puked up porridge in the attic. Since then my fear has escalated to the point where I can't even look at people with slightly misshapen heads on account they may be the product of inter-cousin relations.

I couldn't even watch The Smurfs because I thought they were members of the "Blue Fugates," an inbred Kentucky hill clan who suffered from a rare genetic blood disorder that made their skin look blue. Like check it out...Pappa Smurf or Blue Fugate...which is which?!?!?

Look, if you're worried about giving birth to some sort of ungodly abomination here are some simple steps you can take:

1) Don't bone your attractive cousin. NO MATTER HOW ATTRACTIVE. This one is crucial.

2) Don't live in or around The Ozark Mountains. According to the movie Deliverance Don't take a canoe trip through them either.

3) Don't drop LSD or smoke crack while pregnant.

4) Don't visit the Island of Dr. Moreau.

5) Stop looking at your attractive cousin! SERIOUSLY! COME ON!!!!

Stick to this and you should be safe.

Oh, one more thing. This is the only freak-related thing I like. It's the song Hunted by a Freak by Mogwai. I AM still afraid of the title though as it's my worst nightmare.

Two Worlds Collide

Andy Samberg provides another SNL short for our viewing pleasure!




There is still a seat at the Hotmess radio show waiting for you Andy... just sayin'.

Adam Lambert's BJ Show

Sweet Jesus. Did someone roofie Adam Lambert? His performance at the AMA's last night was something out of his 9th grade wet dream. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for weird performance art and show stopping publicity stunts. But Adam, take a guess at how I feel about you slamming your male dancers face into your crotch? I liked it about as much as the surprise tonsil hockey you played with the keyboard player. Do us all a favour and rub one out before you get on stage, no one wants to see that.



Keep it up Adam, one day the world will run out of eyeliner and then you will fall and I won't be there to pick you up.

I wish I knew Natalie Portman...

Check out the new video from k-os

Help Will.i.am. Remix LMFAO’s “La La La” ONLY TWO DAYS LEFT TO ENTER!

Will.i.am has joined up Pepsi and LMFAO to produce a user-generated video and music track that will be released next month.



The Pepsi Refresh Studio Challenge wants DJ's and music lovers to produce their own version of LMFAO’s “La La La,” showcasing vocals, melody, chords or percussion.

Go forth and remix! The Pepsi Refresh Challenge

Remembrance Day

It's Remembrance Day, and in addition to remembering all of our fallen soldiers and heroes, I would also like to remember some of my favourite comedians. The following few have shaped my life since I was just a weee girl on a small island with no cable, watching comic relief on VHS that my granddad had recorded from his giant 6 meter Satellite that was somehow taped onto our woodshed.

George Carlin.... Man of MANY words...

The incredible Chris Farley

And one of my all time favourites....

Twitter Justifies It's Existence

At least to one guy and 700,00 followers.

Shit my dad says, or @shitmydadsays (english?), is getting a TV show.

The producers behind Will & Grace have signed on to produce the adaptation of this Twitter success story into a narrative family comedy on CBS.

Wondering how this happened? Are you really surprised?

Worse things have found shocking success on TV.




So the story goes a little something like this...

A guy named Justin moved back in with his parents, including his 73-year-old dad who says randomly ridiculous nuggets of wisdom quite regularly.

He tweets them.





I have crazy relatives! Why did I go to university?

Potential 2 second fame was right there in front of me all along.

Lady GaGa gets it done

Check it out, hot off the press, or the editing room computer.

Matt Good

I love Matthew Good like the abusive father I never had. I think most people know him for his 90s hits, but the guy has put out a lot of material since then (seven albums or EPs this decade), and he's one of the most underrated songwriters there is, in my opinion. Now, trust me when I say I mean this as a compliment: there's nothing I want to listen to more when I'm feeling like hanging myself than some Matt Good. The best cure for depression is to wallow in it, I always say. The show last night at The Centre was nothing less than I expect from one of his shows, and I've seen a lot of them: the music (especially the vocals) were tight as fuck, Matt cracked some jokes, and the crowd yelled the names of obscure songs. Fortunately, he is one artist who actually does reach deep into the back catalogue with frequency, so everyone leaves the room happy.

Photos by Graham Cook.