Reunited ...and it feels so good.

My favortie band of all time reunited. FAITH NO MORE are amazing. Mike Paton is a genius. If you disagree with me I hate you. The album Angel Dust could be one of the most influential and kick ass records ever made. Don't believe me? Just ask your precious Rage Against the Machine or Linkin Park..they'll tell you.

Faith No More got back together after 11 years and are rocking Europe. I'm not there and I now wish I was dead. Sadness has enveloped my soul and I feel like Silvia Plath...without the talent...with a penis....anyway...shit. Look at this set list. Amazing.

Set List:
“Reunited” (Peaches & Herb cover)“The Real Thing”“From Out of Nowhere”“Land of Sunshine”“Caffeine”“Evidence”“Chinese Arithmetic”“Surprise! You’re Dead!”“Easy”“Last Cup of Sorrow”“Midlife Crisis”“Cuckoo For Caca”“The Gentle Art of Making Enemies”“RV”“King For a Day”“Malpractice”“Jizzlobber”“Be Aggressive”“Epic”“Mark Bowen”
Encore 1“Chariots of Fire”/”Stripsearch”“Just A Man”
Encore 2“I Started a Joke”“Pristina”

What the shit?!??!

I must see this band live.

Here's what it looked like. They opened with the song Reuinited by Peaches and Herb. What a bunch of geniuses.

J

Zack Morris Lives

Mark Paul Gosselar made an appearance on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon last night in full Zack Morris character.

Done in hopes of making Fallon's - NBC's dream come true of having a Saved By the Bell on air reunion, "Zack" even pulled out his coveted phone.

Although it's a shameless skit, I was mesmorized by the fact that he didn't look like he had aged at all... it's like Benjamin Button on pause.

Who Would Win In A Fight?

This is my new series blog. Every week I will pit two different subjects against each other in a no holds barred battle to the DEATH!

My first opponents were an obvious choice.

ZACH GALIFIANAKIS VS. DEMETRI MARTIN

Zach Galifiankis

Nickname: Jimmy the Greek

Weapon: Beard of fury

Strength: moderate with beer belly

Unique Features: band-aid on beard is totally intimidating

Expertise: The acid tongue heckler attack

(he can destroy hecklers with a single venemous diatribe)

Demetri Martin

Nickname: Geek the Greek

Weapon: beard sheers of pain

Strength: Weak and skinny

Unique Features: Social Studies teacher jacket can conceal guns

Expertise: The bowl-cut head spin

(don' t let him get on his head and spin

he has a breakdance-like 360 attack!)

I thought it was appropriate for these two to go head to head because Zach's new movie The Hangover is in theaters right now and was the number 1 movie at the box office over the weekend. Demetri is an up and comer in the comedy community and seems to be a hit with the ladies with his "geek chic."


They are both popular right now and I think the people would love to see these two go at it.

What they ARE NOT is unique.

I don't know who bit whose style but something ain't right here.

They BOTH do a non-sequitur style stand-up routine accompanied by a musical instrument. Zack plays the piano; Demetri, the guitar. They're both Greek and they both look sort of cool and sort of ridiculous AT THE SAME TIME!!!!! What the shit?!?! Crazy hey?

Their vibes are too similar for them to be cool with one another.

I'm not sure if they know each other but I think if they were at a party together and the drinks were flowing shit might get ugly.

Instead of ruining everyone's Friday night and ending the party I suggest they fight it out here.

Of course, the winner is pretty obvious. Zach Galifianakis would rock Demetri's world and send him to Hades on a Greek Chariot of Doom.

Demetri would win a few rounds and weaken Zach but cutting off some of his Beard of Doom with the Beard Sheers of Pain...but ultimately the beard is just too damn thick and would smother Demetri by filing up his lungs with one brutal hairball after another!!!!

Rest in Peace Demetri, noble warrior.

I hate to see two Greek countrymen have to be the ones to battle for world supremacy but the planet is not big enough for both of them. Someone has to go.


Jay

NOTICE HOW SIMILAR THEY COMEDY STYLES ARE!!!

Summer Escape?

Nice try. I won't let you!!!

Summer... I will stalk you down like the Paparazzi on a Bump Watch.

So maybe it's not 30 degrees outside anymore, but the sun's just napping. Soon it will stop hitting the snooze button and we'll all go back to fighting for space at beaches and bike racks.

Until then here are some things to bring the summer buzz back this week:

Watch "The Hangover". Yes, it's as good as people are saying.

Listen to Hotmess this Friday. Yes, it's as good as people are saying.

Take off your pants with DJ R i c c o. Yes, it's as good as people are saying.

















Since being featured on Hotmess Radio earlier this year, Ricco has been mixing up hurricanes on dance floors all over.

Check out his new mix

r i c c o - Take Off Your Pants

Want more?

You can stalk him at www.themodernclub.ca , on Facebook ricco & vinnie , or sniff around town to the best upcoming events...you'll probably find him there.

Hungry?!?

Everyone gets hungry from time to time, sometimes you're down right starving. Now I, like many of you out there try to eat a fairly healthy diet, but there comes the times when you just need to deviate from the vegetables and protein and chow down on a nice side of fries. That being said there is a fine line between a cheat meal and a blatant indulgent, glutenous, gorge fest, that is not ever humanly necessary. These such items of food, can be found on menus around the world, and for your viewing pleasure have been compiled on a glorious blog, so grab a bowl of carrot sticks and read on. Note this is not for the faint of stomach, it's similar to watching a train wreck you don't want to look but you just have to.

The Hangover opens today!

The RESTRICTED trailer.

DJ HERO

Rock Band, Guitar Hero and now DJ Hero!

Coming out this October to most consoles, the game comes with over a hundred songs, turn table controllers, and the subtle implication that DJs are the new rockstars.

To some that's blatent blasphemy; to others old news.

When Rockband came out Blondtron and I somehow came across it and what started as a time filler erupted (6 hours later) into a international Rockband sensation we randomly named "Shave Cats".

Still a good name for anyone looking... you have our permission (we almost insist).

Watch the clip and let Hotmess know what you think!

Bad Tattoos: the calling card of the douche. A rant by Jay- Volume 1 Series 7

It's hot. The summer sun is upon us. I'm seeing a lot of skin right now and on that skin...a lot of tats.
It's fine. Some of your body art is exciting. Even beautiful.
You are a walking Picasso with your sex sleeves and you back murals and your fierce words written across your knuckles. You are expressing yourself and you are God's creature created in his own image (that dude must have tattoos all over his divine body!!!).

But holy fucking shit.
What the hell?
Does EVERYONE need ink did?
No they do not. You- bank teller on Robson Street. Why was Yosemite Sam starring up at me when I handed you my cheque yesterday? Why were you wearing a tank-top at work? I asked myself these questions today and then realised there's a bigger picture here. The more appropriate question is:

Why has douchebaggery infiltrated the very fabric of our society....so much so that douchebags don't even know they're douches?!!

It's like that new Terminator movie with the robot that doesn't know he's a robot. Today's douche is totally oblivious.

It's a mental condition actually. Being dillusional is a sickness. I fear for the future. I'm officially asking you to tell your friend/ brother/ sister/ dad/ aunt/ grandma/ cousin/ bank teller to consult a friend before inking. Getting the wrong tattoo is the first step toward douchedom and you can take it from there.

Like seriously....YOUR BARBWIRE ARM BAND DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

HAVING REAL BARBWIRE WRAPPED AROUND YOUR ARM WOULD HURT YOU QUITE A BIT.

Oh wait. Is that what you're trying to say? That you are so tough you have an extreme pain threshold and could totally wear barbwire?
That's actually kind of cool. Now I'm a little intimidated.
BUT IT DOESN'T DISMISS THE FACT THAT IT'S BEEN DONE TO DEATH. GET AN ORIGINAL IDEA.

Listen, here's the bottom line: THINK BEFORE YOU INK.

Cordially yours,
Jay

Obama Rocks It!!! Inside the Obama White House

Last night NBC aired inside the Obama White House letting you have a glimpse of the hustle and bustle of the Obama administration. They introduced you to his young staffers and what a typical day is like for the President, however the coolest thing was that Obama felt like having a burger for lunch so he went and got lunch for his entire staff at a burger joint. Oh yes he did, he went around asking his whole office who wanted a burger, got into his limo and drove to the place and ordered for everyone. He even knew who wanted lettuce on their burger and who didn't. Could this man get any more awesome!!!

They air the second part tonight on NBC but you can click on the title link above and watch the first part on the MSNBC website, I encourage all of you to watch it!

In other news this little gem popped up today;

Al-Qaeda chief Osama Bin Laden criticized President Barack Obama stance on the Muslim world in an audiotape released as the U.S. leader began a Middle East tour with a visit to Saudi Arabia, Al Jazeera television said.

What in the fuck!?!?! ummm is this guy even alive? Seriously, in an audiotape recording he criticized oh really!! No one has laid eyes on Osama since.... NEVER, ever, ever ,ever not even through out that whole 9/11 debacle you only saw him on a crappy grainy video that looked like it was recorded in 1984. The dude has been evaporated from this planet, he doesn't exist anymore he's not making audiotapes, come on now! It's probably Dick Cheney in a basement somewhere spreading his Obama hate. Go fishing Dick! preferably in shark infested waters in a small dingy that's easily puncturable and with no paddles.


Becky

Guitar FREAK

This kid is a freak. I'm scared of freaks so I will NOT allow him in my band. He sure can play though.

Windows Down Volume Up

I’m psychic. You know why? This is what you are going to do with the rest of your day:

You are going to read this blog, download Iglu and Hartly’s “In this city”, listen to it a few times back to back before telling your friends. Then those friends are going to tell their friends and those friends will tell some of their awesome friends. Two hours later you will be driving across the Lions Gate with the windows down and volume up feeling like a 6-pack of awesome and ya know what? So will half the city because you started a chain reaction of goodness with that grooving little diddy.

What is this band all about? Hell if I know. I just heard this song today. But their website accurately describes them as

“Tom Petty meets the Pointer Sisters in a neon karaoke bar in Tokyo singing Tina Turner.”

Iglu and Hartly, meet Hotmess Readers. Hotmess Readers, Iglu and Hartly.

Crystal Method gets busy

The Crystal Method, Commodore, Monday night, and memories of one of the biggest electronic records of the 90s. Not to say that nostalgia was the only reason I was there, because that new track of theirs that features Emily Haines of Metric is pretty rad, and the rest of their new album is getting my summer going .The light show they put on was pretty great, the music and energy were up there too, and the crowd was pretty into it. Not a bad night to be on a sprung dance floor.

Google Wolf+ T-Shirt and Magic Happens.

The image catalog is enough to blow your mind into yesterday. However, a few weeks ago the whole world's mind was blown when those two words took on a whole new meaning.

Amazon is cashing in on a wolf t-shirt that some reviewers, about 920 as of today, poetically write "You don't put this T-shirt on your torso, you put it on your soul".

It all started a kid named Brian Govern left a very tongue in cheek comment on for the t-shirt reading
"I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me.

I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt."

A few months later www.collegehumor.com got a hold of it. Although this has been building for a few weeks or so (in the viral community sometimes that means it might as well be last year) the t-shirt is EVERYWHERE and still gaining speed.

There are currently nine Facebook pages dedicated to the shirt, a YouTube parody, hundreds of Tweets, content all over Digg and Squidoo, coverage in the New York Times, Los Angeles Times and a recently aired segment on ABC World News. There were 250 internet news articles written about it in the last 48 hours alone.

This is such a success that Amazon is claiming to be selling more than 100 an hour.

Here is a picture from the 125 customer images connected to this item.

The caption below this one reads "Shortly after this picture was taken, that car started."

MAGIC!

Sleepyhead (Wallpaper. Dio Remix Sample)

More GINGER love

Tonight Conan makes his debut as the new host of The Tonight Show.

Will Ferrell and Pearl Jam are the guests.

Will we see such classic characters as the masterbating bear

and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog?!?!


Here's hoping.

The MTV MOVIE AWARDS- A play by play review

6PM PT - Andy Samberg  is funny...oh he's now naked. Yep, he's Jewish for sure.

6-0-something- Megan Fox isn't as hot as my girlfriend.

6:21 - For some reason I want to punch Shia Laboeuf. I have no idea why. He' s the new Indiana Jones, which is cool....but...oh wait....FUCK

6:22 - Robert Pattinson just won the award for best fight. I have a hate on for sparkly vampires. I will continue to call him out until Corey Haim gets his shit together, stops smoking crystal meth FOR GOOD and revises his role as Sam from Lost Boys ( I'm pretending that sequel they made doesn't exists- it was fucking brutal) eats a shitload of garlic for lunch and pisses it in Robert Pattinson's eyes.



6:26-Eminem is a fucking cartoon character.

6:28= Close up on old woman Sandra Bullock dancing to Eminem surrounded by teenage sluts. The juxtaposition is horrifying.

6:34- "Cool guys walking away in slow motion from explosions" gave me a boner.

6:35 - We just realized how much we wished Will Farrell was our dad.....wait.

 That's sick. Cuz then my girlfriend and I would be brother and sister. I retract that statement.

6:37-I was about to write JONAH HILL KICKS ASS but now I am writing how much I hate SPARKLY VAMPIRES for the second time. Robert Pattinson just made a cum joke that wasn't funny to a room full of underage girls. In any other place besides Hollywood he would have been arrested as a pedophile. In an ideal world his arrest would be followed up with sober Corey Haim pissing garlic in his eye.

6:46-A naked gay angel just fell on wanna be gangsta rappers. Oh shit that was Eminiem!!!

Was it real? Was it staged? Who gives a shit it was hilarious. 

6:55- My girlfriend has a wide-on for Ryan Reynolds................little does she know that I secretly do too. I'm only planning on telling her 25 years from now after we've had a family and my coming out horribly messes up the kids. It will all be in my book" I Was Born a Gay Dad."

6:58-The sparlky vampire is up on stage again...I almost stop watching.

6:59- COME BACK JIM CAREY WE NEED YOU!!!

7:01-Chris Issak? I thought he was dead.

7:01- Forest Whitaker sings about his dick in a box. My girlfriend barfs all over me.

7:07- Lil Wayne's teeth sparkle like a gay vampire.

7:08- Hannah Montana wins. There is no god.

7:17- New Moon trailer intro by Pattinson. Basically I have completely tuned out. I have now opened a new window and have decided to search for nude pictures of the Golden Girls. I've heard so many jokes about naked pictures of Bea Arthur I can't remember if they're supposed to be real or not. Guess not.

This is the best I could find....

7:30 I'm interested again. The tribute to Ben Stiller is awesome. If I were an actor I'd be Kiefer Sutherland.  
What to do now? To be honest I'll probably just take a nap until Kings of Leon play...here's my favorite song by them to bide your time while I enter sandman....

7:38- Shit that was quick! The Kings are playing "Use Somebody" and sound fucking great live! Real deal shit. No auto-tune. No dancing girls. No naked ass in Eminem's face. No gimmicks. 

7:58- Well, there you have it. Twilight wins "Best Movie of the Year." I guess I'm not surprised, Bu I'm also not impressed.....because I'm not a teenage girl...but I heard about this operation that they do in Austria...they turned this 45 year old man into an exact replica of Miley Cyrus...it was totally freaky. What's even freakier is the inevitable question: Does that person now get Twilight? It's difficult to say. Emotionally he could have morphed into that which he sees in the mirror, a teenage girl OR he could still have the mind of a 45 year old Austrian man. Austrians a a crazy bunch. Science is fucked. I wish they would stop playing god. At any rate Interview with the Vampire just came on another channel. It's a GOOD vampire movie. You should check it out.

Jay

MOTOWN MELTDOWN!!

So today was pretty basic until about ten minutes ago when my fantastic friend Emmylou from Universal Music decided to give me a gift! There I was minding my own business....being all tall and shit when suddenly KABLAM The Motown 50 Year Anniversay Box Set lands in my lap!!!!

Well I just lost it.
First I wet my pants a little.
But I didn't care much because I wear adult diapers. Not because I have a problem...you know...just in case.

Secondly I scissor kicked so high that I pulled a groin muscle...a reminder that I am not the spring chicken I once was...but your sister would probably still dig me so don't even worry about it. I'm not worried at all.

And finally I totally farted when I yelled "AWESOME!"
This was particularly embarrassing because I was in front of co-workers.
But I drink Drakkar Noir, so my gas smells like your dad in the eighties.

I'm telling you this because I don't want there to be any secrets between us.
That's how much I love you.

This is my favorite song on the Motown retrospective. Smokey Robinson is a fucking genius.
How ahead of its time is this shit?!?!?!
Very far ahead, that's how far ahead. Very.
They sampled CIRCUS music ...before people sampled. Guess what. It's amazing.

Jay

Once upon an Aqua time.

What does is sentence evoke in you? "I'm a Barbie Girl...In a Barbie world"

Personally I shutter as memories of my fellow high school-ers doing loser laps in a sea of Chevy Cavaliers up and down Dogwood street bombards me.

Well if your on the other spectrum then thanks to the magic of Photoshop and Euro Pop it appears that Aqua has been perfectly preserved in time and musically stylings for you!

The Danish sensation has just released their new single "Back to the 80's".



Wow. (said with the appropriate amount of sarcasm)

I know I have been sailing the crappy band reunion boat for a bit - this is the last one for a while I promise - but they just keep coming out of the woodwork!

Can't they just be normal D lists and revive their previous glory on "I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here!"?

One final remark on the subject of "reuniting/comebacks/desperate for cash". Ace of Base is currently small town touring and are slotted to release an new album this year.

I will leave that entry to Blondtron as I know she holds a special haircut in her heart for them.





















Yes that is her on the left!

Ginger of the Week

It's that time again, you all look forward to it. Your thighs yearn and burn for them almost as much as their hair burns for you. They are the ginger greats! The super humans with hair that must be impossible to match to outfits.

This week's Ginger makes my knees a little wobbly. His mop of flames has set fire to my heart. How many legendary rock bands can one red head sustain?

The answer? LOTS. I'm telling you people they are super human.

One time I saw Josh Homme on the street in LA and I have never resisted the urge to jump into someone's arms more than I did in that moment. I settled for a 'HI!' several hundred decibels louder than it was intended followed by a nervous laugh.

I'd like to say the story goes further, but nope. It ends there.

When Josh Homme isn't ignoring pretty girls advances on the street, he's rocking out in bands with super cool names that he started like 'EAGLES OF DEATH METAL' and 'QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE' and 'THE DESSERT SESSIONS'

Okay we get it, you're really good at multi- tasking. But maybe it's time for a girlfriend?



EODM-Wanna be in LA

The Results are in!

I bet you wondered if I would leave you hanging in World Beard Championship suspense from last week's post. I wouldn't have dared - mostly because I couldn't have kept this Internets gold to myself without imploding with smirky laughter.

Behold the Overall World Champion for 2009---- DAVID TRAVER from the USA


















His victory bio summary was the crowning achievement of the evening.

"Traver, who is 43 and works as a driver for the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, got into facial hair competition locally about 10 years ago with the Mr. Fur Face competition during Fur Rendezvous. After that, he got involved with the South Central Alaska Beard and Moustache Club, which bid to bring the international championships to Anchorage this year — beating out Liechtenstein. He dedicated his win to his father, [also named] David Traver."

Why do the cliche movie style "U.S.A... U.S.A" chants keep ringing in my ear on this one? I imagine it was a very patriotic moment. Especially since he beat out my beloved Karl-Heinz Hille I from Germany. Hille did manage to take home silver.

Here is a clip of all the category winners.

Dear Grizzly Bear,

Thank-you. Thank-you for one of the best shows I've ever seen in my life. Thank-you for bringing me to tears and restoring my faith in music.

It's like the beach boys finally stopped getting their teeth whitened and realized there was more to life than Luau's and ladies.

It's like Bobby Vinton breaking down on wine and showing up on your front lawn to poor his heart out to you.


This isn't the kind of music you can just hear and be like 'Oh cool, neato, I like this.'
Well maybe it is for some people, but for me it had to hit me at just the right moment.

I had put a bunch of tunes from my friends computer on my ipod and this song came on and changed my life.



Grizzly Bear-While You Wait

I listened to it on repeat for weeks.

There are only a few songs that have done this to me. Songs I listen to and love the same way you truly love a friend or partner. At first it's exciting and you can't get enough, and then you get comfortable with it and you see the delicate under tones. Then even years later you can still hear new things that keep you interested. It's the songs that stay with you for life.

This music is the music you'll marry and love forever.

Pixies-Where is my Mind?

I had the pleasure of seeing TV on the Radio the night before and deejaying with Jaleel afterwards for his birthday party. These guys are amazing. Jaleel is a pretty good DJ too!

Coldplay-Clocks (Royksopp trembling hearts remix)

TV on the Radio-Staring at the Sun (Diplo 808 remix)