Tiger Woods gives you wood...

Recently Tiger Woods farted in front of the nation. Live on camera. For all the world to see. It was during a golf tournament. Now golf will never be the same. But fuck it, is that really going to change how we feel about Tiger Woods? No. It is not. Tiger Woods is the essence of greatness. I love him and so do you and so does musician Dan Bern, just listen...

How to Rave a Life

I'm at the Fray concert right now. The music is just as depressing as I thought it might be. The singer is crying, the guys are silent, and the girls are touching themselves under their volleyball shorts. The only thing that is keeping me from cutting myself is the 5 Candy Ravers in bare feet and cowboy hats dancing with their glow sticks.

Did I miss the memo? Is E-tard the new E-mo?

Whatever it is, I like it. The chubby one even has a Rainbow Light Saber!

The gist of my story is: if your Daddy didn't love you enough, you were at the Fray show and you loved it. Apparently, my Daddy loved me just enough.

Photos by Jen Cook.

Mother Mother, Sam Roberts Band

Vintage is the man with the hook up. While he was back at the ranch taking care of business, the man hooked up some random tickets. Mother Mother and Sam roberts at Deer lake Park.

Mother Mother has their shit figured out. All their songs are catchy and modern. The music is new and fresh. I'm predicting that this time next year some "hip hop" producer will be sampling their music for a new Hillary Duff album. This will also be the day I clean my ears with a knitting needle.





There's a reason The Sam Roberts Band is named after Sam Roberts. The guy is a musical midget genius. I've seen the band perform about five times and its always the same; 6ft of stage presence stuffed into 5ft of performer.

Rock the Bells

Hotmess hit up Rock the Bells on a sweltering Saturday at Deer Lake Park. The day was all about reverence for hip-hop, and a certain funny smell in the air. The lineup included legends like RZA and Nas, and had surprise appearances by the likes of B-Real from Cypress Hill. Throughout the day, artists would do classic verses of other rappers, like when Common dropped some Pharcyde and Snoop lyrics, to the delight of the crowd (oh yeah, he did "Rapper's Delight" too). The whole thing felt like a shrine to a genre that seems to be a bit maligned of late, and it was refreshing.

B-Real of Cypress Hill

Common

RZA

Nas

Damien Marley and Nas

LA Roux tonight on Hotmess!

So are all probably aware that we are big fans of La Roux on Hotmess. Tonight the greatness collides! Vintage will be catching up with our beloved former 'Ginger of the Week' who I was lucky enough to catch in concert a few nights ago.

They did not dissapoint, in fact I think they were one of those bands better live! Her voice is incredibly powerful which is good, because there were a lot of hipster lesbians with their coif in her signature massive side bang singing along at the top of their lungs.

Check out their touring schedule here and make sure you don't miss the ginger greatness if they're playing near you!

LMFAO at Gossip

The crowd was unruly, the band was an hour late, but once they were up there they got shit going. They gave a lot of love to Vancity, substituting the nickname/credit union into their song "I'm in Miami Bitch", to much applause from their Gossiping minions.

Hotmess landed an interview with Sky Blu! You have to listen! Party execution 101 with hotmess and Sky Blu !

Photos by Graham Cook.

I Love you, Kelly Kapowski!!!!

Tiffani Thiessen is Busy from Tiffani Thiessen

Blink 182

Vintage sent The Bruce and I to review the blink 182 show.


On the way over we met some girls in the park and they gave us some of their peach cider. After a couple pulls from the 2 litre, The Bruce casually mentions he hasn't seen blink 182 since thier first Warped tour.

Girl 1: "Oh my god! You guys are seniors!"
The Bruce: "It was only 1999"
Girl 2: "I was 8"
The Bruce: "Bye ladies. Your braces are sexy, but even I have limits"

About 10 steps into GM Place we met a girl standing by herself. She was waiting for her date to come out of the restroom. After some brief negotiating, I proceeded to lick both her legs from ankle to thigh. She was tight, tanned, and salty. This cost me $2.

Guys, don't leave your sluts unattended.

We walked into the show and found some seats; not our seats,but some seats. It was there that we met two fine ladies from the Black Orchid Agency (aka Hookers). I don't really remember what I said to them, but I got pushed down the stairs and rolled into a group of girls from somewhere in the Valley. After some quick introductions the girls told me I was pretty even though I was old, and began to take pictures of me. A lot of pictures.

It aint easy being tall, good-looking, and white.

That's when I figured it out. Everyone at this show was ugly. Beautiful People are the new visible minority. Our numbers are dwindling. Stick with me Hot Messy ones, there is strength in numbers.

Oh, also, Blink 182 put on an amazing show for the kiddies with the best stage setup I have ever seen. They played all the hits for all the white kids passively swaying back and forth in the "mosh pit".

It was a good time had by all. I'm pretty banged up from my trip down the stairs though. I'm walking with a limp like an old school pimp or real OG.

Why our site looks like a piece of shit right now...

Dear Sir or Madame,

You are likely visiting this site because you are one of the GAGILLION Hotmess fans worldwide who have had multiple eargasms while listening to our podcast/ radio show. You probably also love to fuck around at work or school and read our blog. This is great for us and we thank you. If your boss or teacher gives you shit, grab that stapler on your desk and hit them in the knee cap. When they buckle, tear off the arm of your chair and give them a HELLO upper-cut. Finish off with a flurry to the solar plexus. They'll get the message.

You COULD be visiting this site by accident because you thought this was a Sam Sparrow fan page, a Cobra Starship fan page or even a porn site ( if you thought it was porn I'll apologize right now for letting you down), but this is less likely.  

Regardless, you're here and are probably asking yourself, "What the shit-fuck is this bullshit? This page looks more lame than my leper horse with a broken leg." 

First of all, put that horse out of it's misery and secondly the reason this page looks this way right now is because we needed to do some tests while we build our NEW IMPROVED WEBSITE.

It's going to be SICK so please have patience.  We're going to have merchandise and contest sections and a whole whack load of new cool features to help make this a more interactive experience for all!

YOU my friend are a part of an organization of hot messy people. YOU ARE ALL MEMBERS OF WWW.HOTMESS.ORG

Cordially yours,

Jay

Ever watch Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations? No? Well you should!!

It's a travel & food show on the Travel Channel where "Tony" vists places all over the world to try their local cuisine and culture BUT it's so much more then that! In the one hour show he manages to cram anything and everything on whatever city he is in that is food, culture and oh yes cocktails, there is definetly no lack of drinking on this show on Tony's part.

He also has a fondness for street meat and showcases at least once in every city where you can get a high quality, delicious and most importantly freshly prepared quick street food.

Egyptian Breakfast:




His emmy award winning show has been running for a few season now but you can definitely catch reruns on the travel channel. He is an extremely charismatic and colorful man who has that NY attitude of telling it like it is and no holds bar, his description of San Paolo: it's like L.A. threw up on NY!

By far his best episode was in Beirut when the Israel-Lebanon conflict broke out. Despite having filmed only one restaurant before fighting began, Bourdain's producers compiled the Beirut footage into a episode. Uncharacteristically, the episode included footage of both Bourdain and his production staff, and included not only their initial attempts to film the episode, but also their firsthand encounters with Hezbollah supporters, their days of waiting for news with other expatriates in a Beirut hotel, and their eventual escape aided by a "cleaner" (unseen in the footage) whom Bourdain dubbed "Mr. Wolfe." The episode was nominated for an Emmy Award in 2007

I highly recommend this show it's a welcoming break from all the other crap on TV, not to mention you get great tips if you should ever feel inclined to visit any one of the cities profiled.


Becky

Fifty Dead Men Walking

At first “Fifty Dead Men Walking” seems similar to a lot of movies you’ve already seen but then it Karate chops you with an Irish genuineness you weren’t expecting.

Martin McGartland's 1997 autobiography of the same name, the story follows a street hustler from Ireland caught between the IRA and the British agendas in the late 80’s.















But don’t expect all the lame Hollywood flare- it’s gritty, tough, and makes an effort to accurately portray Northern Ireland at the time- thick Irish accents included.

It doesn’t pick a side but instead focuses on the desperation of the people stuck in an unwinnable situation.



Jim Sturgess is so good in this movie I almost forgot that Ben Kingsley is the other leading man.

I heart all things true story and documentary like so if that isn’t your thing then it probably won’t appeal to you in the same way.

But if you are check out da wiki. It goes into further detail on the story but also the events that happened after the film.

"Fifty Dead Men Walking" opens July 31. Go see it!

I would go again but only if the guy who sat behind me and stunk like pickles isn't invited.

Who knew Hitler could be funny!?!?

Check this out... You'll piss your pants laughing, so put on your 'depends' and enjoy... 

Cindy

Snoop Dogg & Friends

Average age of Snoop Dogg Fan: 15
Average age of Snoop Dogg Song: 15


Seems like a good fit to me. That is until he goes into Aint No fun and half of the kids had no idea what was going on. Confusion compounded when Snoop was joined by the Lady of Rage for a throwback of the track Afro Puffs, made famous by the Above the Rim Soundtrack.

Later Snoop asked everyone to put their twos up (two fingers for Tupac) while he performed an extended version of Hail Mary. The poignancy of the moment was clearly lost on the suburban tube top hotties.

Finally the crowd was reconnected with a jolly jumping good time cover of House of Pain's Jump Around.


Oh, I almost forgot! Akon casually walked out on stage and performed I wanna Love You. That was pretty awesome.














After losing a few points for the Liberace style microphone, Snoop Dogg and his pals score a solid 8.92 pounds out of 10.

Mickey Avalon looks like Beardo

The lady in charge of the media told me this was Mickey Avalon.















I realize it is not but she was having none of it.
Consequently, when Mickey Avalon did come on, I was not allowed to photograph it or even hear it.

This has been your Mickey Avalon review.

Good News Monday

It's important to try to combat your Mondays with so much good news that you can seamlessly summersalt into Tuesdays warm less, work-like glow.

To make that summersault a dive roll- check this out!

It looks like Amazon's top selling Wolves T-shirt and the You Tube keyboard cat "made nice" to create this glorious cotton offspring.


Apparently, this guy on Threadless is pumping these babies out like a TLC show (Jon&Kate Plus 8, 18 Kids and Counting, Table for 12 - pick your poison).

In other miracle news, the most hideous shoes in the world may soon be no more.The most surprising part is that these foam clogs sold 100 million pairs! How?

Maxim even named Crocs one of the “10 Worst Things to Happen to Men in 2007.” In 07, Crocs made a profit of $168.2 million. Last year, they lost $185.1 million.

Somehow I have a feeling we will still be seeing these around... If you are a Croc offender please read the public service announcement below and immediately dispose of them.



Finally, Kid Sister has announced the title and official release date of her long-anticipated debut album.

Ultraviolet, isn't due out until October but here's a leak that will keep your 'Right Hand Hi' until the weekend comes back.



Kid Sister Right Hand Hi

So Blondtron Will Like Me

I need to pick myself up one of these fantastic gizmo's and then Blondtron will be my friend, or yours.

Things you Want

I want this bed, its pretty freaking awesome.. I also want you to listen to our podcast, cuz again it's pretty freakin awesome ! Hope you are all rockin a fantastic monday.

No Doubt is 'HELLA GOOD'

No Doubt played the Vancouver scene last night, July 18th, and blew the roof off GM Place. My ears were fed delicious hits from the California native band from opening the show with "Spiderwebs" to ending it with "Sunday Morning", which happen to be my 2 favorite songs. The energy was contagious and everyone was standing up, jumping, and singing along the entire 90 minute show (it was one big sweat fest). Gwen Stefani was one fierce performer (and can I mention that after having 2 kids her body looks tighter and hotter then ever, she's definitely not 'just a girl')! No Doubt they know how to entertain a crowd, HOLY LOTS OF AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION... I was also blown away on how cool it was that during the encore presentation they brought out both opening acts Bedouin Soundclash, and Paramore (PS: they seriously ROCK) to sing along! Needless to say, my "Tragic Kingdom" faze came back to me like in a dream! I had an amazing experience and still love them as much as my good ol' High School days!

Check out the official website for more tour info: 

www.nodoubt.com

If you missed out on the concert here are a few hits you'll enjoy!

Peace,

Cindy :-)

Orang-ooooo-nice-tans and PCP

I don't need to say anything else

Where Art Thou Chromeo?

It's been a while since I've seen their "keyboards grow legs so they could walk it out".

Where did they walk to? I've missed them. They never call...They never write.



It seems they have been busy following in the foot steps of bands like Four Tet, Booka Shade, Hot Chip and Annie,(and many others)to create their own installment of the DJ Kicks Compilation

While there’s no tracklisting available yet, the mix is expected in early October.

In the meantime, you can grab a download of the Eagles ""I Can't Tell You Why" cover HERE - after your sign up for email updates on the release.

And make sure you grab an icepack before you listen to Hotmess tonight... it's so hot your ears might melt.