Friday, November 27, 2009

The Best Christmas Movies

My favorite time of year is near and you know what that means; too much food, booze, spending, caroling, and lack of sleep... and I LOVE IT! Along with the holiday season comes awesome decorations, music and those Christmas movies you only get to watch once a year! So get cracking! Pull out those dusty VHS tapes from your holiday box and start watching, renting or buying them. Here are the 3 best holiday movies, no matter what religion you are, just in case you forgot:

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

RIP Haydain Neale

Canadian music lost a true class act this week.
Haydain Neale, the frontman for the group Jacksoul died Sunday from lung cancer.

With the Nov. 3 release of a new Jacksoul single "Lonesome Highway" and an album of new material, Soulmate, slated for Dec. 1, fans couldn't help but think the Hamilton-born Neale was on the upswing.

His family has always been optimistic, but tightlipped, about his condition and intensive rehabilitation.

In a press release about the production of the new tunes – written, and seemingly recorded, prior to his accident – Neale says: "It takes me more time now, but I still orchestrate the room.

Sadly, Jacksoul's fifth album will now be the posthumous legacy of its gravelly-voiced frontman. Relatives announced late Monday that Neale died in hospital on Sunday after a seven-month battle with lung cancer.

He will be missed.

Monday, November 23, 2009


Sorry I'm just not a fan of freaks. I'm not talking about the freaks immediately below either. I actually like them.
No, I'm talking about real freaks. Like deformed freaks. Inbred freaks. The kind that live under the stairs or in The Ozarks or in the attic.
It started when I saw Pet Sematary (how the movie title is spelled) when I was a kid and was introduced to Zelda- the deformed sister who puked up porridge in the attic. Since then my fear has escalated to the point where I can't even look at people with slightly misshapen heads on account they may be the product of inter-cousin relations.
I couldn't even watch The Smurfs because I thought they were members of the "Blue Fugates," an inbred Kentucky hill clan who suffered from a rare genetic blood disorder that made their skin look blue. Like check it out...Pappa Smurf or Blue Fugate...which is which?!?!?

Look, if you're worried about giving birth to some sort of ungodly abomination here are some simple steps you can take:
1) Don't bone your attractive cousin. NO MATTER HOW ATTRACTIVE. This one is crucial.
2) Don't live in or around The Ozark Mountains. According to the movie Deliverance Don't take a canoe trip through them either.
3) Don't drop LSD or smoke crack while pregnant.
4) Don't visit the Island of Dr. Moreau.
5) Stop looking at your attractive cousin! SERIOUSLY! COME ON!!!!

Stick to this and you should be safe.
Oh, one more thing. This is the only freak-related thing I like. It's the song Hunted by a Freak by Mogwai. I AM still afraid of the title though as it's my worst nightmare.

Two Worlds Collide

Andy Samberg provides another SNL short for our viewing pleasure!

There is still a seat at the Hotmess radio show waiting for you Andy... just sayin'.

Adam Lambert's BJ Show

Sweet Jesus. Did someone roofie Adam Lambert? His performance at the AMA's last night was something out of his 9th grade wet dream. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for weird performance art and show stopping publicity stunts. But Adam, take a guess at how I feel about you slamming your male dancers face into your crotch? I liked it about as much as the surprise tonsil hockey you played with the keyboard player. Do us all a favour and rub one out before you get on stage, no one wants to see that.

Keep it up Adam, one day the world will run out of eyeliner and then you will fall and I won't be there to pick you up.

Got a Hotmess?

Have you recently drawn on someone's face? Found a hot track? Barfed off a ferris wheel? Made or stumbled upon a great video? Poured gravy down your pants? Interested in advertising?


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