Saturday, May 9, 2009

Just in time for Mother's Day

I don't know about you but it is about this time of year I like to brush up on what passive aggressive looks like. Just in case...

It's like riding a bicycle- you never forget- but instead of a shiny bell there are only screams of frustration. Wow I really rode that analogy train to the end.


There is no way to rock, paper, scissors your way out of an attack.My approach is to sling it back and finish strong with a compliment. But grab your Gatorade - it's usually a long one.

I came across this blog that has given me such joy I might consider taking up passive aggressiveness as a hobby.

It seems to be working out so well for these people!





http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/

Friday, May 8, 2009

Jay interviews Metric

video

I must preface one section of the above interview by saying that Emily Haines is also a member of Canadian music collective Broken Social Scene. Now you'll get it.

J.J. Roe-sham-Bo-JACKSON

PS- WE HAVE A LIVE SHOW TONIGHT IN VANCOUVER FROM 6 TO 7:30PM ON CITR 101.9FM

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Letterman Gives it to Cheney.......

Those of you that follow the political news will know that since leaving office Dick Cheney has not been spending his time fly fishing in a stream somewhere, why would you when you can launch a media tour of Obama-hate! like DUH! Dick has claimed that Obama has raised the risk of attack on America, called his economic policies devastating and said that Obama's trips abroad were disturbing. Um ya Cheney critizing Obama on his Presidency is like Lauren Conrad from the Hills giving Meryl Streep acting tips. Come on now are we really listening to this ridiculousness?!?!?!

Well Letterman's not, he thought it was time to put Dick in his place and remind him of the last 8 years with a segment called; Dick Cheney: HOW'D HE DO?




The US has the best healthcare in the world??? Dick's been telling whoppers again, like he ever stopped! Dick really, your only embarassing yourself here weren't the last 8 years embarassing enough for you. SO GO FUCKING FISHING its what EX President's and VP's do!!!!!

P.S. Can i just say how much I heart David Letterman, you get him Dave!!!!



Becky

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Look At This Fucking Hipster


I remember quite recently Matt created a quiz that tested your level of hipsterness. Then along came a wonderous email from someone at work today entitled "Look at this Fucking Hipster" Yes it is true, check out the blog to laff and point at another society label, oh the fun we have.


Vintage

A message from my other favorite blog- The Tall and Handsome Club

This fella looks pissed.
You would be too if you were constantly living in the shadow of that statuesque drink of water the Brontosaurus.
Imagine you come home from a long day at Jurassic Park. You just mauled another annoying paleontologist and he gave you indigestion plus your boss is all like "MORE CARNAGE, MORE CARNAGE" and you feel like telling that prick off but you bite your tongue and obviously it bleeds, you know, cuz your teeth are razor sharp. Basically it's another bad day. All you want to do is have a beer and hit the sack but you can't because there he is- your neighbour. Look at him standing there, glistening in the sun, eating the leaves off the top of the tree and getting all the chicks. His pad is better than yours, his clothes are better (well they would be if dinosaurs wore clothes), hell even his kids are better.
He's a constant reminder of your inadequacies and all he did was be tall and handsome.
So you go over and make a meal out of his family. Mostly because it's instinctual but also kind of cuz you have small
dinosaur syndrome.

It just goes to show you that the struggle of the tall and handsome has been going on for millions of years.


Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Am I alone here?

Despite the fact that Canadians can't compete in the Amazing Race, I have been on this show like a fat kid on a smarty for longer then I would like to admit.


I won't try and invest you in the characters since the season finale is next week. You have missed the boat and I will not hand you a paddle.

On last night's "race to determine the final 3" it came down to the wire between 2 sisters and 2 cheerleaders. The sisters finished first at an eating challenge and cabbed it over to Bejjing's Bird’s Nest to finish. The cheerleaders followed quickly behind but the sisters clung to their lead by a hair - and careful editing.

UNTIL. One sister had to pee. "Really bad."

So instead of racing to Phil they stopped at a porta-potty and lost by seconds. That is the same amount of time it would've taken me to do a victory robot while peeing my pants on the pretty Amazing Race carpet. Batman would do it.


It's a million dollars! A million dollars! If it were my sister I would've dragged her urinating corpse to the mat if I had to. Okay. Too far.

I probably would've deflected to the media later stating the program should slot in bathroom breaks -inhumane treatment. Spin spin spin.
So it begs the question:

Would you have gone to the bathroom or gone for a million?

1901 (Customised by DLID)

Monday, May 4, 2009

OFFICIAL DOUCHE

The term Douche, in all it's incarnations, has made a massive come back in the last 12 months or so. Which raises the question...

Have you ever google douche?

You may come across this on Wikipedia:
Douche bag, or simply douche, is considered to be a pejorative term in most of the English-speaking world. The slang usage of the term dates back to the 1960s. The term implies a variety of negative qualities, specifically arrogance and malice.
Like this fine specimen: The Human Douche Bag


You may find the true meaning of douche:
1 a: a jet or current of liquid (as a cleansing solution) directed against or into a bodily part or cavity.
This lovely item: A Real Douche Bag


Spend time reading this tell all gem on womenshealth.com:
Vaginal Douching - To Douche or Not to Douche - The Douche Debate Continues

Or put your feet up and watch the DOUCHE OFF on YouTube:


I can't tell is this is fucking horrific or awesome...

The best is this 1948 Lysol douche ad for the married woman, look at the shame on her face. He husband is leaving angry because she didn't use Lysol on her business.


What have we learned from all of this? That there are many meanings behind Douche. But the next time calls you a jet stream of liquid directed into a cavity... kick him in the nuts!

Chris Cornell-Redemption song?

Those of you who read our blog often might remember when the new Chris Cornell album Scream (produced by Timbaland -WTF?!?!?) came out. I was NOT impressed. I wasn't alone.
There was a fairly brutal backlash on his iTunes page. Soundgarden fans, who weren't dead from choking on their own vomit, managed to pull themselves up off their bathroom floors to let this former grunge god really HAVE IT!

Well now it seems (in what MUST be an effort to redeem himself) Mr. Cornell has tried to appease the spirits of guitar-rock with a complete makeover of his single “Long Gone.”

This is it:


Here's the Timbaland version:


Neither is worthy of being on the same planet as Soundgarden but COME ON.... the below version is awful. The above sounds like the song was meant to sound!! You can't make a 21st century power rock ballad, dress it up like Justin Timberlake and call it INNOVATIVE! It's not.

I just barfed on my keyboard.

J

Dear Ricky Bobby, Your belief system is suspect



I used to subscribe to the whole Ricky Bobby philosophy of "if you're not first, you're last," until I saw this shit!!!



While most other horses are flown to the Kentucky Derby in air conditioned learjets and cost hundreds of thousands of dollars, this skinny-bastard-horse-with-something-to-prove named Mine That Bird drove 26 hours to get there in a trailer attached to a pickup truck and cost a mere $9,500.

Ricky Bobby you're sunk.

j

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Lush Etiquette


In an ongoing effort to understand the world around me and my place therein I have recently taken it upon myself to learn the finer points of LUSH ETIQUETTE.
What is lush etiquette you ask yourself? Well dear reader let me embellish.
 Have you ever noticed how some of your friends get drunker than others?
Have you also noticed that although many of those friends get equally wasted some of them seem to be able to getaway with more bullshit than others?
It's all about LUSH ETIQUETTE!
No matter how trashed you get some things are more acceptable than others, so pay attention, here's a list.
 According to the rules of Lush Etiquette it is:

1) OK to pee in the corner of your friend's bathroom while visiting from LA. 
2) NOT OK to eat your friend's Trivial Pursuit card after you get a question wrong when you're not visiting from LA...you're simply too "local" to pull it off.

3)OK to take a drunken road trip to New York (after taking it to the limit in your home town) on a whim because you saw just how much fun The Strokes made it look
 in that pictorial in Rolling Stone from like six years ago, but you still have the magazine.
4) Not OK to drive the car on the way to New York. 
4 a) also not ok to stop and take pictures of bears while drunk.

5) OK to laugh at your friend that's getting called out at the bar by a guy in a Panama Hat from Toronto because you " know him from that city."
6) NOT OK to to laugh at Torontonians. Ever. Even while sober, apparently.
6 a) Nor is it acceptable for Torontonians to laugh at themselves.

7) OK to shine.
8) NOT OK to shine too bright.

There are many more lessons but these are just a few I've learned on the road to a masters degree in LUSH ETIQUETTE.

IMPORTANT SWINE FLU NOTICE!!

DON'T DO THIS PEOPLE!!!

Got a Hotmess?

Have you recently drawn on someone's face? Found a hot track? Barfed off a ferris wheel? Made or stumbled upon a great video? Poured gravy down your pants? Interested in advertising?

WE WANT YOUR HOTMESS!

email us at theshow@hotmess.org

If we post it the karma fairy will sneeze in your double gin and you'll feel really good about yourself.

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