Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Who Would Win In A Fight?

This is my new series blog. Every week I will pit two different subjects against each other in a no holds barred battle to the DEATH!

My first opponents were an obvious choice.


Zach Galifiankis

Nickname: Jimmy the Greek

Weapon: Beard of fury

Strength: moderate with beer belly

Unique Features: band-aid on beard is totally intimidating

Expertise: The acid tongue heckler attack

(he can destroy hecklers with a single venemous diatribe)

Demetri Martin

Nickname: Geek the Greek

Weapon: beard sheers of pain

Strength: Weak and skinny

Unique Features: Social Studies teacher jacket can conceal guns

Expertise: The bowl-cut head spin

(don' t let him get on his head and spin

he has a breakdance-like 360 attack!)

I thought it was appropriate for these two to go head to head because Zach's new movie The Hangover is in theaters right now and was the number 1 movie at the box office over the weekend. Demetri is an up and comer in the comedy community and seems to be a hit with the ladies with his "geek chic."

They are both popular right now and I think the people would love to see these two go at it.

What they ARE NOT is unique.

I don't know who bit whose style but something ain't right here.

They BOTH do a non-sequitur style stand-up routine accompanied by a musical instrument. Zack plays the piano; Demetri, the guitar. They're both Greek and they both look sort of cool and sort of ridiculous AT THE SAME TIME!!!!! What the shit?!?! Crazy hey?

Their vibes are too similar for them to be cool with one another.

I'm not sure if they know each other but I think if they were at a party together and the drinks were flowing shit might get ugly.

Instead of ruining everyone's Friday night and ending the party I suggest they fight it out here.

Of course, the winner is pretty obvious. Zach Galifianakis would rock Demetri's world and send him to Hades on a Greek Chariot of Doom.

Demetri would win a few rounds and weaken Zach but cutting off some of his Beard of Doom with the Beard Sheers of Pain...but ultimately the beard is just too damn thick and would smother Demetri by filing up his lungs with one brutal hairball after another!!!!

Rest in Peace Demetri, noble warrior.

I hate to see two Greek countrymen have to be the ones to battle for world supremacy but the planet is not big enough for both of them. Someone has to go.



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