Tuesday, January 6, 2009



On a super snowy sunday in Vancouver I jumped on a plane, no delays and headed to Dominican Republic for the Holidays. No rushing around gathering Christmas lists and lining up in malls for the perfect gift. No trying to find something to do for New Years even though no matter how good the party it will end like all the others. Standing on a corner freezing, losing my buzz trying to get a cab. None of that this year. I flew out on the 21st of Dec not to return till 2009. See you later 08!! I'm out.

I got into Punta Cana without a hitch and what followed was like Groundhog Day... only it was tropical and Bill Murrey was no where to be found. Sleep in, eat, go to the beach, eat, go to the bar, eat, sleep. It was blissful and relaxing and I forgot that the holidays where even happening... Well except for the Dominican staff running around sweating their asses off in sad santa hats everyday. Why do they have to to that? It must be torture... There where some stand out highlights though, like the spectacular XMAS buffet!

This is how I imagine the staff meeting where they began brainstorming ideas to jazz things up for the XMAS dinner buffet.

"Ok guys it's holiday time again. What fabulous ideas do we have for the Christmas buffet?"

"Well sir, last night before I went to sleep I had a vision of a box in the shape of a cash register, wrapped in tin foil then drapped in smoked salmon. We can just leave it out there at room temperature then people can peel bits of salmon off for a delicious treat."

"Salmon cash register, I'll bet they've never seen that in Canada! Make it so. Next!"

"Sir the Swan is my favorite animal and I had an idea to construct a massive Swan that we can decorate with fruits and berries. We could build it out of lard."

"Lard swan, love it. Start building that sucker right away. But I think we are still missing something. Something that will truely raise the bar and make this buffet like no other!"

"Boss may I speak? I have heard a myth about a Xmas display so epic that it made the hotel guests gasp in awe."

"Yes, what is it."

"Ok, you take a roll of chicken wire... just regular old chicken wire and you twist it into the cone shape of a XMAS tree. Then you cook hundreds of prawns and lobsters and one by one, hour by hour you wedge them into the chicken wire... like leaves on a tree. To top it off you put a massive styrofoam marlin on top and SHAZAM!"

"That's it, a seafood Christmas tree! Amazing employee #3. Wait, do they eat the prawns and lobsters?"

"The stupid ones will sir!"

New years was a blast and the beach was one of the most beautiful I have ever lounged on. BUT I will say this, to anyone thinking of booking a vacation through AIR TRANSAT... DON'T! They suck and are the most unhelpful people I have ever dealt with in all my travels. Please heed my warning friends. They are the worst!
Anyhoo, I hope all my peoples had an awesome safe holiday and New Years! Heres to 2009. HOTMESS is gonna bring the heat baby!

1 comment:

blondtron said...

Oh my effing LORD. Fuck coniferous evergreen fucking pricking trees. FUCK EM. I am only ever getting crustaceous trees from now on. AMAZING.

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