Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Blink 182

Vintage sent The Bruce and I to review the blink 182 show.

On the way over we met some girls in the park and they gave us some of their peach cider. After a couple pulls from the 2 litre, The Bruce casually mentions he hasn't seen blink 182 since thier first Warped tour.

Girl 1: "Oh my god! You guys are seniors!"
The Bruce: "It was only 1999"
Girl 2: "I was 8"
The Bruce: "Bye ladies. Your braces are sexy, but even I have limits"

About 10 steps into GM Place we met a girl standing by herself. She was waiting for her date to come out of the restroom. After some brief negotiating, I proceeded to lick both her legs from ankle to thigh. She was tight, tanned, and salty. This cost me $2.

Guys, don't leave your sluts unattended.

We walked into the show and found some seats; not our seats,but some seats. It was there that we met two fine ladies from the Black Orchid Agency (aka Hookers). I don't really remember what I said to them, but I got pushed down the stairs and rolled into a group of girls from somewhere in the Valley. After some quick introductions the girls told me I was pretty even though I was old, and began to take pictures of me. A lot of pictures.

It aint easy being tall, good-looking, and white.

That's when I figured it out. Everyone at this show was ugly. Beautiful People are the new visible minority. Our numbers are dwindling. Stick with me Hot Messy ones, there is strength in numbers.

Oh, also, Blink 182 put on an amazing show for the kiddies with the best stage setup I have ever seen. They played all the hits for all the white kids passively swaying back and forth in the "mosh pit".

It was a good time had by all. I'm pretty banged up from my trip down the stairs though. I'm walking with a limp like an old school pimp or real OG.

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