Gripe and HYPE!!

GRIPE:

Muffins.

You seriously suck. You have just as many calories as flipping cake but you're not cake. You're a muffin. You're a wolf dressed as a sheep that secretly glues slices of black forest ham to my thighs when I'm sleeping. I hate you muffin. Yeah, you're pretty tasty when you get out of the oven and hook-up with butter, but I'm sick of your charade. There's a reason no one wants to put icing on you, and it's because we all know you're a liar.

Hype:

Cupcakes.

You are awesome, you're cute and you taste great and are pretty much synonymous with things like kittens and rainbows. You don't have to pretend to be something your not. Why even bother trying to be a fake healthy breakfast food when you could be invited to tea parties? You make me want to wear fancy hats and buy pink dresses from Betsy Johnson. You never let it go to your head either, you are perfect cupcake. I love you.